Voting Station

Abishag

Please vote to return to collections.

Biblical Character

The Resume

    Servant girl
    Concubine to King David
    Appears in the First Book of Kings of the Old Testament
    Hailed from the land of Shunem; Known for her immense beauty
    Chosen to serve the King in his old age, mainly just lying next to him in bed (1 Kings 1: 3-4)

Why she might be annoying:

    Her name means 'ignorance of the father.'
    She was brought in to help deal with King David's impotency problem.
    As such, there wasn't any real 'love-making' going on, rather she was there to 'make him feel like a boy of twenty' again (insert Biblical Viagra joke here).
    She was brought in after warm blankets failed to do the trick for his - shall we say - 'condition' (in the King James Version's exact words: 'Let her lie in thy bosom, that my Lord the King may get heat').
    Part of her name is slang for intercourse (wow how many prestigious courtesans can lay claim to THAT distinction!?)
    Art depicting her sharing a bed with King David can come off as disturbing and extremely inappropriate for conservative audiences.
    Her primary role was to help restore him to vitality by keeping him warm, but the King died shortly after she began her 'job.'
    When David died, his eldest son (and second-in-line to the throne) got his mom to try and talk King Solomon into letting him make her his wife.
    Clearly onto a trick (his brother had recently been pardoned after trying to overthrow their father), Solomon ordered his execution, aware that his motion toward her was a way of strengthening his claim to the throne.

Why she might not be annoying:

    She is the subject of a famous Rainer Maria Rilke poem.
    After athsheba, she is the most studied and discussed of King David's wives and consorts.
    She was selected because of her profound charm and beauty.
    She was one of the sole witnesses to King Solomon's crowning after his mother orchestrated his ascension to the throne.
    She was considered King David's main inheritor, and with her could go the rights to the throne (hence the interest Adonijah showed in marrying her).
    As is often the case, the Bible doesn't specify what became of her.
    However, after the failed marriage proposal, it is assumed she remained in the House of King Solomon, as a member of his Harem.
    She is a prime suspect for the identity of the unnamed woman whom Solomon's 'Song of Songs' is dedicated to.
    Many theologians have pointed to the poignant irony of her appearance, in that a King who aggressively sought beautiful women for sexual conquest is now unable to consummate a union with even a beautiful young girl propositioned to be his companion.

Credit: BoyWiththeGreenHair


Featured in the following Annoying Collections:

Year In Review:

    In 2022, Out of 2 Votes: 50.0% Annoying
    In 2021, Out of 12 Votes: 91.67% Annoying
    In 2020, Out of 29 Votes: 93.10% Annoying
    In 2019, Out of 5 Votes: 80.0% Annoying
    In 2018, Out of 2 Votes: 0% Annoying
    In 2017, Out of 39 Votes: 89.74% Annoying