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Bruce Castor

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Attorney

The Resume

    (October 24, 1961- )
    Born in Abington, Pennsylvania
    District Attorney of Montgomery County, Pennsylvania (2000-08)
    Acting Attorney General of Pennsylvania (August 17-31, 2016)
    Defended President Donald Trump at his second impeachment trial

Why he might be annoying:

    As District Attorney, he declined to file sexual assault charges against Bill Cosby, claiming the evidence was ‘insufficient.’ (Although a different DA was able to get a conviction with the evidence a decade later.)
    He delivered a rambling, borderline incoherent opening statement at the impeachment, including non-sequiturs like, ‘Nebraska, you’re going to hear, is quite a judicial thinking place.’
    He managed to screw up introducing himself: 'My name is Bruce Castor. I am the lead prosecutor -- lead counsel for the 45th President of the United States.'
    He also decided to digress and explain why he changed one of his metaphors from a ‘whirlwind’ to ‘floodgates.’
    He openly admitted, ‘We changed what we were going to do on account that we thought that the House managers’ presentation was well done..’
    Alan Dershowitz’s analysis of his performance: ‘There is no argument. I have no idea what he is doing. I have no idea why he’s saying what he’s saying’
    He reportedly pissed off his client by admitting that Trump actually did lose the election.

Why he might not be annoying:

    He (and the rest of Trump’s attorneys) had a short time to prepare arguments as the President’s original defense team quit two weeks before the impeachment trial.
    A Trump advisor claimed Castor was ‘intentionally trying to reduce the emotion in the room’ with his opening statement.
    Asked if Trump had expressed to him any displeasure with his performance, he replied, ‘Far from it.’
    Since all but a handful of the Republicans in the Senate had already indicated their intent to acquit Trump on the grounds that he was no longer in office, he may have seized the chance to put on a real-life Chewbacca defense.

Credit: C. Fishel


Featured in the following Annoying Collections:

Year In Review:

    In 2023, Out of 8 Votes: 100% Annoying
    In 2022, Out of 9 Votes: 77.78% Annoying
    In 2021, Out of 1066 Votes: 64.92% Annoying