Voting Station

St. Longinus

Please vote to return to collections.

Religious Figure

The Resume

    Roman centurion
    Pierced the side of Jesus Christ following the Crucifixion (John 19:31–37)
    According to legend, was cured of blindness after being doused with the blood/water of Christ's body
    Identified as the soldier who exclaimed 'Indeed, this was the Son of God!' (Mark 15:39)
    Weapon used to pierce Jesus' side has become a well-known religious artifact; variously called 'The Holy Lance,' 'Holy Spear,' 'Spear of Destiny,' and 'The Lance of Longinus'
    Later left the Roman army and joined with the Apostles, converting to Christianity
    Portrayed by Giovanni Capalbo (as 'Cassius') in Mel Gibson's 'The Passion of the Christ' (2004)

Why he might be annoying:

    His name sounds like 'long-ness.'
    He and his partner were ordered to break Jesus' and the other two convicts' legs - but for some reason decided to pierce his side instead.
    George Stevens inexplicably cast The Duke to play him in his overproduced 'Greatest Story' epic.
    Many artistic depictions of him are extremely graphic and inappropriate, even for the Crucifixion story.
    There is no direct historical evidence to suggest that he was the same soldier in The Bible who proclaimed that Jesus really was 'the Son of God' (most theologians are convinced that he's not).
    The main source associating him with 'the Centurion' doesn't even come from an official Biblical source (rather he's referenced in the apocryphal Gospel of Nicodemus/Acts of Pilate).
    And, even then, it is widely believed that the compilers of THAT text assigned the name with Gaius Cassius Longinus (one of Julius Caesar's assassins) in mind.
    Along with Joseph of Arimathea he is a useful tool for those seeking to link Biblical teachings with mysticism and the occult (heck the Spear of Destiny is even an artifact in the DC Comics Universe).
    For such an important religious artifact, not many seem to find it confusing that there are four relic 'lances' which are passed off as the 'actual' spear he allegedly used (one located at the St. Peter's Basilica in Rome; one at the Hofburg Palace in Vienna; the other two located in Antioch and Armenia).

Why he might not be annoying:

    He is a central figure in the centuries-old (very cool) 'Holy Grail' mythology.
    He probably experienced the original 'consecration' ceremony while on Golgotha (except no priest was involved and he was doused with the real blood of Jesus, not wine 'passing for blood').
    Adolf Hitler was said to have been obsessed with the 'lance' he used.
    He was said to have become a monk in Capadoccia, in his later years.
    As legend has it, he was arrested by Roman authorities for defecting to the Christian faith.
    Once in captivity, several of his teeth were forcibly removed and his tongue was cut off.
    Miraculously, he continued to speak clearly and continued to spread the Gospel locally, successfully eclipsing the dominant Pagan religion of the area.
    He was reportedly beheaded after destroying several Pagan idols in front of the province's governor.
    As the story goes, the governor - who had been blinded for worshipping idols - regained his eyesight when Longinus' blood came into contact with his eyes, mirroring the original happening at the foot of the cross (most likely not true, but has a nice ring to it).

Credit: BoyWiththeGreenHair


Featured in the following Annoying Collections:

Year In Review:

    In 2023, Out of 217 Votes: 48.39% Annoying
    In 2022, Out of 5 Votes: 60.0% Annoying
    In 2021, Out of 19 Votes: 47.37% Annoying
    In 2020, Out of 19 Votes: 26.32% Annoying
    In 2019, Out of 108 Votes: 52.78% Annoying
    In 2018, Out of 104 Votes: 48.08% Annoying
    In 2017, Out of 29 Votes: 51.72% Annoying