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Monarch
    (203-March 11, 222)
    Birth name is Various Avitus Bassianus Marcus Aurelius Antonius
    Emperor of the Roman Empire (218-222)
    He was highly effeminate.
    He was a flaming homosexual.
    His grandma and his mom worked bribed the right people to make him the Roman Emperor.
    He became emperor when he was 14. How many teens do you know who would make a good Roman Emperor?
    He was a member of a cult that worshipped a phallic sun god.
    He tried introducing this unpopular cult to Rome by marrying the penis god to another more popular goddess, but it didn't work.
    He sacrificed perfectly good cattle and sheep to his God and drenched them in expensive wines.
    He wore make-up and dressed in expensive silk women's clothing.
    He had all his body hair plucked.
    He married Vestal Virgin Aquilia Severa after he walked into their temple and raped her.
    He then, rather than burying her alive as is mandated for Vestals who have sex, made her his wife so he might have godly children.
    He was five times divorced.
    He had his gay lovers declared Caesars.
    He allegedly had slaves put into giant ovens so that his dinner guests could be entertained by their dying screams.
    He allegedly had guests at a dinner smothered to death with fragrant rose pedals dropped from above.
    He loved it when people would call him the mistress or wife of another man.
    He was loathed by the Roman aristocracy and early Christians.
    Scholars consider him to be one of the worst Roman Emperors.
    He was an independent thinker.
    He and his mother were killed by Roman troops.
    They were beheaded and dragged through the streets of Rome, and then finally dumped into the Tiber River.
    All of his henchmen also had violent deaths.
    Some claim that he was the victim of black propaganda and his historical image purposely tarnished by his enemies.
    He was a hero of the Decadent movement of the late 19th century, being featured in many paintings and poems.
    His last words were, 'Let my mother be.'

Credit: Captain Howdy


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